My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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