I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
