There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
