I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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