I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
