Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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