I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
