I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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