we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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