He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
