I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
