I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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