youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
