well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
