I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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