your room smells of hookers.
And success
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
