Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
