So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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