Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
