You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
