The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize