Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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