I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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