covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
