Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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