i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
