party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
