meet me or not, i'm out of control
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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