He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize