I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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