i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
