totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
