I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
