i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
