It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
