i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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