i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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