Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
