He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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