It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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