haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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