my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
