I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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