Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
