So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
BRING THE BAGELS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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