so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He kissed a someone with a penis
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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