if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Operation Purity has been aborted
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
