their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
