I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize