No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
