in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
