I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
