We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
