Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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