What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
