i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
