oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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