I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.