Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
