Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
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Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.