There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle