She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"