Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol