I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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