i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
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I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."