Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal