I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
