I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
