Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
