I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
