Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
