Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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