if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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