Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
