we're blogging at a bar
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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