At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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