im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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