I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
