I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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