The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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