dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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