did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Everything about him screamed your future.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
