I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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