Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize